I’ve never quite understood the allure of haunted houses. When did warehouses/barns/mansions booby-trapped with overzealous, chainsaw wielding Halloween enthusiasts become a seasonal to-do? To me, they’re just one more way to humiliate yourself—because let’s get serious: since when is it cool to scream like a deranged Justin Bieber fan in public? (Outside of a Bieber concert, that is?) Nevertheless, people trek en masse to haunted houses each October, shelling out cash in exchange for a good scare under the misguided notion that it is somehow “fun.” Luckily for you, my little blarflings, someone decided to document these people’s stupidity.

Nightmares Fear Factory, a haunted house in Niagra Falls, skillfully planted a camera somewhere in their establishment in an effort to demonstrate “what fear looks like.” The resulting photos, when taken out of context, are actually hilarious:

I know, right? Who would pay money for something like that? I wondered what it is these people are seeing that could be so terrifying, but since I can’t, I decided to hazard a guess. The following are my speculations as to what might be so scary to each group of people in the various photos.

An oncoming tornado.

An 1000-person audience booing this neo-boy band’s singing skills.

A wedding altar.

No more Cheetos in the vending machine.

The sun. That kid in the middle is obviously a vampire.

The cast of the Jersey Shore, disembowled, with a sign around Snooki’s neck that reads “GTL? More like GTDead. PS, the show’s canceled.”

Mom and dad walking in on a “massage circle.” No homo.

A well-fitting pair of pants.

The girls from the last picture.

A mirror. You guys didn’t know you were redheads?

Next time you think it’s a good idea to go to a haunted house, I would recommend reconsidering. You never know where there will be a hidden camera, or when I’ll find the pictures and make fun of you.

Boo,
~M